“I don’t have any clothes, absolutely nothing to wear.” That is the most common phrase that every woman uses on a daily basis or at least on the weekends when its time to party. Why is it that in a closet full of clothes, we never have an outfit to match the occasion? Is it because we find any excuse to continue to buy new things? Excuses to shop beyond our means? There is and I repeat is, a huge possibility that you may just be a Shopaholic. Just like the movie Ilsa Fisher played. That’s the word that can easily describe a woman’s need to buy and buy and continue to buy more things. Can being a shopaholic be considered a hobby or a real disorder? Can it be possible that just like drinking habits are born, so is the need to shop excessively?

Most women shop just because they have to, is programmed in their minds. Can it be because they need to spend money to feel good or maybe to simply buy things? The worst part is yet to come. Sometimes these things we buy are never actually worn. Yes, you heard that clearly. Things make it off of the shelves and into our closets just to look pretty. Sometimes we leave them hanging for so long that they become out of style or we just grow out of them even before they were ever worn.

Now, after we’ve notice that they are still new and haven’t been worn, (meaning the tags are still on the garment) the chances of us handing them down decrease drastically. A shirt that we once thought we would never wear now becomes the “mission shirt”, all because it still has a tag on it. We begin to think of different ways that we can make it work; we uncover many ways to be able to wear it first before anyone else gets to it. At the end of the day, we did spend our hard earned money on it. The problem begins to escalate when we CANT find anything to pair it with in order to justify not passing it along to someone less fortunate. That’s when hoarding begins. We begin to look for any little reason of why we should keep this hanging in our closet. Maybe we want to make it our goal to fit back into it. Maybe we want to leave it in our closets because eventually, one day we will find the ideal skirt, shoes and bag that will go perfectly with this already out-of-style shirt and choose to wear it.

The real question isn’t “Whether we will wear it?” It’s “Why did we buy it?” When we were shopping at that store, what reason did we give ourselves when we handed the cashier our credit card? I know that sometimes after I purchase something I get this itty-bitty feeling in my stomach that maybe I shouldn’t have bought it. That I should just turn back around and return it because I still have my phone bill to pay, and my car payment is due, not to mention the money I still owe my mom from last season’s gorgeous sandals that I bought for my Mexico vacation. But I don’t. I don’t turn around and I don’t return it. I proceed to walk out of the store and get into my car. Once I arrive at home my purchase takes its new place in my closet. Funny thing is, I separate it from all my other clothes so it doesn’t get the smell of old and used. So that every time I walk into my closet, I see the brand new addition to my wardrobe.

Is this compulsive shopping derived from anxiety? I can probably agree that we shop when we feel happy, or when we feel sad. Just the same as some people relieve their stressors and frustrations at the gym, we do the same when we shop. Do we shop because we have a certain void that needs to be filled? Could it be possible because of a recent break up? You probably choose to fill it with a brand new pair of high-heeled shoes. If you’re not into heels, maybe a new dress is what you need. Is there any possible way that compulsive shopping can be considered an actual disorder?

It would be much simpler if women could be diagnosed with a Shopaholic Syndrome. If this were a real disorder maybe there would actually be therapeutic treatments to help cope with the inner issues that cause us to abuse our wallets. We aren’t born with addictions; we acquire them after dealing with the hard punches of life. After being knocked down a few times and continuing to rise. The world we live in is a cruel one and what better way to deal than by rocking the latest trends? Some people feel that if you can’t feel good about your surroundings at least look good while walking through hell. It can be argued that going shopping is harmful, because you could end up not paying your bills or even reaching the point where you lose your home because of your spending habits. Just like alcohol can damage your liver or lead you to a DUI or how cigarettes can lead to lung cancer or emphysema. Hopefully, enough public awareness of this issue will cause it to be taken seriously, and people suffering from it can look for real help and find it.

Knowing something and feeling something are two completely different experiences. Even the Bible speaks of the heart as a traitor. Why is that? Well, the way I see it, my heart is never in sync with my body or mind. For example; my heart may want to go to the beach, but my body and mind would rather stay home and be a couch potato on a Sunday morning. This scenario also happens in your romantic life, whether you’re in love or not. Sometimes relationships come to a bitter end and it may not really turn out to be what you wanted. This might just be Kris Humphries case. Other times it could feel like the best thing that ever happened to you. But when your heart decides to be lazy and stay comfortable instead of going out and working towards what you really want you can find yourself willingly succumbing to your situation.

Let’s start with the easy part. You wanted this relationship to come to an end and so it did. Whatever reasons you have don’t matter anymore; not when your heart is set to do something (and if you’re as determined as I am, or as Kim Kardashian, nothing will come between you and your decision). Do I need to say more? What really matters is that this is what you wanted. Well guess what? That’s exactly what you are going to get. Why? Because your heart wants to move on and quite frankly you are set, engines are revving and you are ready to go. You can probably even taste your freedom.

But now let’s slow down a bit and think about what happens when you tell the other half, the half that’s been living with you or dating you for the last couple of years or sometimes just months, how you feel. What happens when you tell him/her that you want to move on? Well, we all know that’s not how you break it to them, not at all. You say something along the lines of; “I don’t think this is what I want anymore.” or “it’s not you, it’s me!” or “I am the one that doesn’t know what I want, I am confused.” We’ve all heard this before at some point in our lives and let’s face it, after that little outburst of what you consider to be utter and sincere honesty, maybe just maybe things will now go smoothly. I mean, you did tell him/her that it’s your entire fault and not theirs, correct?

Now, why doesn’t it go as smoothly as expected after that confession? Because it’s a lie, it’s all a lie and it’s so far-fetched that you don’t even believe this yourself. Why? Because of the only imaginable reason, you are a see-through and transparent ghost of a human being. Your words are not new and they have been used since the dawn of time to cowardly get rid of an unwanted relationship. Instead of lying to everyone why don’t you just save yourself some trouble and just come right out and say the truth. You can at least earn the trust of this person, the person whose feelings you have so brutally slaughtered.

Now comes the hardest part. The part you did not want to deal with. You didn’t want it to end and until now you didn’t even expect it. The reasons will never make sense and you have to quit trying to put it together in your head and forcing them to. You will go through the five stages of grief. First is the one already mentioned, denial. Then you move on to anger. This one is tricky because you’re angry with him/her and also with yourself for making such wrong choices. After that you move on to the bargaining stage, and this one is completely and downright pathetic. You start begging for the return of the relationship. You make promises that not only will you not keep, but if you were to listen to yourself outside of this situation you would probably kick yourself in the ass. Now that you have realized that nothing you do will work, you waltz right in to the fourth stage, depression. Now you lose weight, cry your eyes out (let’s not mention how every song reminds you of him/her) and start to lose sleep. Eventually it passes, and you move on to the last stage, acceptance. This is the best one because now you are really and truly ready to move on and get out of this horrific rut you’ve been in for probably months.

In conclusion, play your cards right, don’t put all your eggs in one basket and don’t count your chickens until they’ve hatched. Your heart is an important organ. Take good care of it and don’t let anyone hurt it. Like Grammy always said, don’t cry for someone who will not cry for you. And the one who will, will never make you cry.

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Have you ever heard a song while going through a breakup and realized that the song was basically written for you? Don’t you feel sometimes like every song that is played on the radio somehow applies to your very own past? Or at times it’s even addressing your present? How bizarre is it that we all share that experience! We can’t help but to feel that way sometimes, at least in my opinion. The worst part of it is that you only really pay attention to these songs when your heart is aching and has been broken. Only then does every song have a new and profound meaning. It’s like an epiphany where your feelings are finally put into words!

This brings me to my next question; why weren’t we able notice the significance of this song prior to our breakup? Why didn’t we pay extra attention to every single word Adele was telling us in songs like “Someone Like You” or “Set Fire To The Rain”? Are there no real happy endings? No fairytale? If we did, we probably would’ve anticipated the ending to this love story (or action packed drama, whichever applies to your current situation) and realized that it wasn’t going to be a blissful one. If we would’ve paid close attention, we might have even avoided many endless nights of tears and headaches, not to mention the buckets of Ben & Jerry’s (the eating of which, let’s face it, helps a lot). I don’t know what healing properties ice-creams have, but in my sob book, it’s at the top of my list when it comes to breakup comfort foods.

So now that you’re knee deep in your melancholy, how do we go from a bucket of ice-cream on our faces (and let’s not even mention the 2-3 or even 7 pounds we’ve already packed on, not that anyone’s counting) to lip-gloss and mascara again? It might just be easier said than done, but let’s give it a shot. Start by switching the current track. What the hell, buy a new CD while you’re at it, forget Adele and let’s go with Gloria Gaynor and her infamous song: “I Will Survive”. That song inspires a new beginning, a beginning that right in that very moment will give you more wings then a red-bull and make you stronger then Popeye on spinach! We have the power to change the station of our lives no matter what’s playing. If you don’t like hip-hop (a fast paced relationship) change the station to something more like you. Maybe country music is your thing or even classical sounds. Even if at times you feel you can’t do it. Say “YES” I can, and go for it. Remember that no matter what your situation is you have the tools to change the station and listen to what your heart really wants and above all, something that makes you happy.

With that being said; listen to your heart’s own beat. Play your own music and write your own lyrics. Listen to all the songs you want. Take the advice that fits your current situation and run with it. Take the good things from your past and leave the bad ones. For in the end, there will always be a song to tell your story and a different station that will always play your all-time favorite tunes. And always bear in mind that reading is fundamental, so read between the lines and don’t swallow everything you see or hear or read, for paper holds everything you put in it!

It’s in fact a rare anomaly for a relationship to end on mutual grounds. What are the odds of two individuals falling out of love simultaneously? Slim to none, in reality only one falls out of love while the other one is left in utter shock. Of course the enormous flow of questions start rushing in like a 30’ crack in the dam. The whys are plenty and with no viable answers only a great state of confusion, not to mention the awful taste left in your mouth from the whole ordeal.

Could it be that our anxiety or denial is derived just from feelings of regret due to the many things we failed to do in a relationship? Or maybe the things we over did, like call every five minutes, check his voice mails and look through his emails. Why do we almost always turn to food for comfort? Or like Demi Moore, who stays away from food (the poor child is almost see-through) but not the booze. Why do we behave like such babies? Is it due to our extremely high levels of anxiety or immaturity? What is anxiety anyways? According to my Mac’s dictionary, it says:

1. Feelings of worry

2. Something that worries somebody, repeating #1

3. Extreme apprehension

When you have anxiety attack due to your recently ended relationship, you get this sudden urge to speak to the person in question and you go to all extents to make it happen. Like an addict, you even begin to get chills. Therefore, you prank call and stalk this individual, risking everything in the hopes of not getting caught. The fix is so bad that it will and I repeat will control your every move, including your thoughts, judgment and it will even justify the means. We dig to the deepest parts in our souls in hopes of finding a little light that will shine the answer to us and make us feel better. This is nothing but wishful thinking.

Moreover, we all do it, its nothing to be ashamed of, at least not in my opinion. We send text messages; we even go out of our way to play the jealousy game. Dress all fancy, get our hair and makeup did and go out with our friends just so they see that life continues without them. That the world hasn’t stopped rotating because they choose to be single again, even when we know deep inside, we wished they could take it all back. What are we really looking for? Do we really need an excuse to move on? Is any of it going to make us feel better? I don’t think so!

Why do we continue to put ourselves in these types of situations? Don’t we realize that not only are we making a fool of ourselves but at the same time, hurting our already damaged hearts? Sometimes I wonder who made sayings like “out of sight out of mind” whoever it was, in my opinion is flat out blind! If I don’t see you, I not only obsess about seeing you, but I will make any excuse to think about you. If that isn’t enough every song on the radio will trigger memories that we shared, and will make it that much harder to get you off my mind.

In conclusion, we are all full of guilt, regardless if inflicted by someone else or self acquired. Nonetheless, it’s there and although we sometimes didn’t make the mistakes in our relationships we find a way to take all the blame, to destroy the little piece of sanity we have left. With that being said; if it’s out of your life, let it go. Everything happens for a great reason.

Unless you’re a baby still in the womb, you have probably had an ex. Whether we currently hold the title or someone else does, in whichever case once you become an ex you’re placed into a category. Some people are tougher than others. There are those who are actually nice and with whom you can remain friends. Then there are those you find you cannot even associate with outside of the relationship. In the end, we have all experienced the wrath of a bitterly ended relationship at some point.

This brings me to the next question, why are they called exes? Let’s dissect this word for a minute. “Ex” is defined as something from the past, something left behind, and something no longer needed nor wanted. The problem is when you are an ex and you didn’t want to be, meaning it’s a one-sided breakup. You can’t help but feel, to some extent, extradited or removed. It feels like you have been completely dismissed from the face of this earth. The feelings of hate, confusion, disgust, and pain, not to mention the feelings of wanting him/her to fix all the damage caused to you, all those emotions are like a gazillion bugs just crawling around in your head.

Let’s talk about ex-wives now. They feel that because they were married to him first they know everything and they have the right to be rude and obnoxious. Not to mention if there are children between them then whoa baby you got a real problem on your hands. Your relationship will be no more than a game of chess. When the queen moves, you better tread carefully because the queen will use her child to manipulate every situation. Your boyfriend or your husband will be nothing more than another one of her subjects. I can hear the screams of “Off with his head!”

On the other hand, ex-girlfriends are a little trickier. They can either be psychotic or passive bitches. But don’t let the passive ones fool you. They can be crazy and neurotic too; they all have it in them. Let’s take Taylor Swift for instance; she wrote a song or two (or was it all of them?) about her exes. How humiliating is that? Do you know what it is to have a hit song written about you as an ex or an ass, whichever suits you best?

You are left with no other choice but to try figuring out why the individual that you have been spending time with and sharing your life with has left you for dead. Some of us slash tires, send hate emails, harass the current victim (yes victim) because now we think they will end up like us or worse than us. As we have said before; “If he did it to me, he will do it worse to you”.

When something like this has happened to you, you can’t help but to grow a thick skin. Rough and prickly, you grow an outer shell, one that encases your heart. Why? Because you’ve been burned, yes badly burned, and it is not all your fault. A lot of things come into play in these situations. Don’t think your innocent, your actions, their actions, and the “great” influences that are our relatives whether our parents, siblings or just friends take a toll in our relationships. Everything that surrounds us comes into effect when we are in a relationship.

So if you are currently in a relationship, and he/she is potentially the future ex, I have some advice for you. Develop some thick skin. And if the one you’re dating has an ex like the ones mentioned above, be prepared. Because that thick skin may not be as thick as you’ll need it. Shrug things off and breathe, he’s with you now or at least till further notice.

The first year in any relationship is known as “The Honeymoon Stage.” Not only for those who are married, but also for those who just choose to date. When I sit down and analyze the details of my history, I can honestly say that it has not been full of bliss. Am not sure if that was Sandra Bullock’s, Elin Woods & Fergie’s situation, but it certainly was mine. We are constantly bombarded with lies, deceit and plain old cheaters. Nonetheless, every day grants us the opportunity for a new beginning. Sandra Bullock is living proof of that, she went and got herself a baby. What better way to move on than that?

When we encounter the same obstacles over and over again in relationships, we eventually blind ourselves to them. It is not that we start failing to see the issues, but that we choose to ignore what we know is right in front of us. We begin to believe that there is good in everyone and continue to hope that maybe the next one won’t be as bad as the one before.

Lie #1
Only three months in to the relationship and you find out he was talking to not one, but three women! He said they were friends.

Mistake #1
You believe him and you continue to trust him, just as all women do. Why do you always trust so unconditionally? Is it because of the already instilled insecurities from your life? Maybe some “daddy issues” left over from watching your dad pull stunts like this? Whatever the case maybe, we fail to see the signs from the get-go.

Lie #2
He tells you: “You are the only one. You are everything to me. There is no one else.” And the ultimate one: “They meant nothing to me. Who do I come home to?”

Mistake #2
You believe him! Why wouldn’t you? After all he is “your everything”, right?

It’s hard to believe, but the lies have always been there. They are created to cover the painful truths we don’t want to accept. The pleasures of a fling always bring only temporary enjoyment to those who choose to stray. They do not realize the amount of regret they cause, or the scars they leave behind that may never heal. Why do we constantly make excuses for all of the lies in our relationship? Are all of our relationships nothing but a mirage? A facade? Smoke and mirrors? Something we can only dream of or read in a good book? Or are they something we can only see when we pay for it at the movies?

Infidelity has been around since the dawn of time. Experts have tried to figure out what makes you cheat. They say it is because something is missing in your life. But when you ask what, there is no real or concrete answer furnished. There are only made-up robotic replies that have been programmed into their brains.

Men are like computers; they have a thought processor, a hard drive, a very easy way to contract viruses, and if you don’t download your program properly they will never function as instructed.

Why do they cheat? It is the question every woman wants answered. Would we rather not know? Like a wise man once said; give a little boy a $1 bill in one hand and a shiny penny on another. 90% of the time he will take the shiny penny. Why? Cause it is new, shiny and attractive. Basically, it’s eye candy and who doesn’t like candy?

What it narrows down to is this; what type of relationship do we want? You can either choose to live a fairytale or a horror film but keep one thing in mind; nothing is what it seems. Look at the signs and beware! There are wounds you can inflict that will never heal. Value and respect yourself at all times. Because in the end, it is all you have. You always go back to your principles. You don’t always get a happy ending!