5 of the Weirdest Sex Positions

New and different sex positions don’t have to be a joke among your friends, but it’s way more hilarious if they are. Just practice a little common sense and you can take full advantage of some “weird” positions that turn out to be delightful variations on your routine. Or you might just cause serious bodily harm to each other. The choice is yours! Don’t say you were not warned.

The Kitchen Sink

Yes, you can have everything the weird reaches your sexual desire can fathom, including the kitchen sink. Shift her rump into the sink so she’s balancing on the ledge. Extra ‘Weird’ points for stacking up Hungry Man TV dinners for height, and creative use of the faucet spray wand. Points are deducted if she lands in last week’s lasagna dishes.

The Harness

Hope you got your knot-tying badge in Boy Scouts. It only takes a length of sturdy rope and your bedroom door to build a stationary sex swing. Loop the two upper corners of the door and then create a harness for her legs. Double points for any knots a seaman would be proud of; points deducted for closing the door and forgetting to take her down when you’re finished.

The Reverse Chicken Fight

This one requires four bodies, and one body of water. If you’ve ever played chicken at the beach, you know how this works — the girls are just backwards. This configuration (guys back to back) also has the added benefit of avoiding the dreaded, accidental sword fight. She will thank you later.

The Slinky

You’re going to get stares (actual stares) if you ever tell anyone you tried this. Start out 69ing on the top of the staircase — it’s much easier if they’re carpeted. Then flip positions on each other as you inevitably slide down the stairs mimicking, you guessed it, a Slinky. Extra points for backbends or handstands without a trip to the emergency room; points deducted for rug burns.

The Double Axel Lasso Lift

Starting face to face and then lifting her above your head, balance her on her palms with your arms extended upward while spinning in a counter-clockwise direction. Extra points for any change of position during the lift, clockwise and counter-clockwise rotation reverses, turning a carry lift into a rotational lift, and a release to one hand during dismount. Points deducted for briefly considering trying it while furrowing one’s brow, and opting instead for the missionary position.

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