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5 Things That Happen In Movie Sex Scenes That Don’t Happen In Real Life

dakota-johnson-50-shades

dakota-johnson-50-shades

It’s plain and simple, like Mitch in City Slickers said, “Women need a reason to have sex.  Men just need a place”.  We all watch movies and we all have the “Awww I want that” thought, but wake up ladies! The day a sexy hot billionaire, eyeing you in a club, and then whisking you away in his private helicopter are about as likely to happen as seeing a unicorn fly and pee glitter!  Here are five things that happen in movie sex scenes that, unfortunately, just don’t happen in real life:

1)       You wake up with your make up still looking flawless – sike!  You know we all wake up after a night of dancing with mascara and eyeliner under the eyes, our breath smelling like tequila shots, and uh…  chances are “that guy” just might not be as good looking as he was with your drunk eyes in dark club.

2)       It gets so intense that he rips your clothes off – false!  I’m sorry, but if a man rips my favorite top or pencil skirt I’d be sending him an invoice the morning after!  Don’t rip my clothes! Unless of course, you’re Mr. Grey!

3)       The sheet is covering all the right places – yeah right!  You know, it’s just over his legs, but showing off his nice firm butt, and covers your nipples just slightly to give him a tease?  You know right??  No.  The sheet is always in the wrong place. It’s wedged between your legs where he should be or gets tangled when you’re trying to change positions and your foot gets stuck – yeah, that’s the sheet I know.

4)       The romantic caressing and cuddling after awesome sex – haha!  If he doesn’t cum and pass out or go off and start playing Call of Duty you’ve got a charmer lady!  No man “just cuddles” any more… and ladies, we’re guilty too, of just rolling over and tweeting about “this guy” before we even put our panties back on.  #bringbackcuddling

5)       Awesome first thing in the morning sex with the sun beaming through the shades – huh? This does not happen, especially if you have kids!  First thing in the morning are all you girl. Getting the kids ready for school, packing lunches, or taking 45 minutes to blow dry your hair before work.  Or, if you’re like me – part of the 5amclub you’re already in the gym doing squats before he wakes up. Nope – ain’t nobody got time for that!

 

 

Naked Man Running Caption This

Naked Man Running

Caption This

Naked Man Running

Caption This Naked Man Running

Mr. Bean’s Daughter – What????

Yes . Please.

The Weirdest Sex Laws In America

The United States has been known to have its fair share of strange laws. For example, did you know it’s illegal to wrestle a bear in Alabama? In New Orleans, it’s against the law to curse at a firefighter while they’re performing their duties. While in Oklahoma, it’s illegal to have a sleeping donkey in your bathtub after 7pm. In keeping with the tradition of strange laws, here is a list of weirdest sex laws in the United States.

Alabama

The Anti-Obscenity Enforcement Act in Alabama has criminalized the sale of sex toys. Selling or intent to sell a sex toy within state lines is punishable by a $10,000 fine or up to 1 year in prison.

Minnesota

Sleeping naked is illegal in Minnesota. It’s also against the law for a man to have intimate relations with a live fish; although it’s perfectly legal for a woman to do so.

Wisconsin

In Connorsville, it’s illegal for a man to fire his gun while his female partner has an orgasm. What fun is sex without being able to shoot a gun?

Montana

In Bozeman, having sex in the front yard of a house is against the law if it’s after sundown, and if they’re nude.

Indiana

They call Indiana the “Crossroads of America”. But did you know that it’s against the law to have oral sex within state lines? How un American (and downright crazy) is that?